My First Update

I did something big recently. I made the decision to quit my job and take a sabbatical of sorts for the next 6-8 months. My focus for the sabbatical will be on taking time for myself to relax and regroup as well as a new writing project. Since making the decision and giving my notice at work, I’ve been thinking back on how I got to this place and thought I’d share some of these reflections and a bit about the writing project I’m starting to undertake. It is my hope to stay in touch with people during this leave and send an update about once a month.

So how did I get to this point? In my prayer and meditation, I tend to pick a word or a phrase and ponder it over the course of several weeks. Early on when the idea for the sabbatical was barely percolating, the phrase that kept arising was “just breathe, just be.” Just breathe and be present, just breathe and be okay with yourself in the world, just breath and let go of what you think you’re supposed to do. This helped ground me and feel more present to myself after months of feeling lost with all that has been happening for me personally and in our world over these last couple years.

I then landed on the words “bold” and “prudent.” At first they were just words and then they became a phrase “bold and prudent” and the phrase would pop up into my life as I reflected and journaled. How do I be both bold and prudent? Am I being both bold and prudent? 

For several years I have been feeling a strong desire to write and it has kept coming up. Over the years I’ve tried fitting it into the nooks and crannies of my life. And sometimes that’s worked, but often, especially with the last year and a half, it hasn’t been working. It has been hard to find the time, it has been hard to find the headspace. 

With the phrase “bold and prudent” continuing to come up, I had to ask myself: was I being bold with my writing? No, I wasn’t.  And so in a moment of trying to feel bold, I made the decision to sign up for a writing class - and not just any writing class  - a class about how to write a book proposal, because what could be bolder for a writer who has barely published anything? 

I started the class with a vague idea of what I might want to write a book about and feeling uncertain and ambivalent about whether I would even want to write a book. But hey, it was still prudent.  The class only met once a week for 6 weeks, so what would I really be losing if I gave it a shot? 

Over the course of those 6 weeks, the vague idea I had at the start slowly started to solidify. I wanted to write about people’s religious conversions. As someone who over the last ten years has moved from being Atheist to Quaker, to now being both a practicing Quaker and Catholic (and still trying to make sense of these changes), the idea of talking with other people who had converted across religions, across faiths captivated me. In an era where people’s views are so entrenched, what causes people to dramatically change their mind?

The idea captivated me, but was I bold enough to actually write the book? Was it prudent?

As the desire to write kept coming up and as this book idea was forming, there were of course other personal things going on in my life - we had my aunt’s memorial (who passed away last year), Joao and I tried an unsuccessful round of IVF after trying to conceive for 3 years, and with so many people deciding to change jobs recently, my boss and boss’ boss ended up leaving their roles in the span of a week. With their departure and some organizational changes, I was asked to start focusing on a new area. 

It didn’t feel right to start the new project at work, it didn’t feel like my heart was in it. I dug in abit to the project at work, I looked around the industry and my profession and there were jobs that seemed valuable and interesting, but when it came down to applying for them, it didn’t seem right for me. That “bold and prudent” phrase kept coming up. And it didn’t feel bold. It didn’t feel like I would be honoring the desire I have had for years to spend more time writing.  What felt bold? Diving into this book idea and seeing if it actually has legs. 

And so, that’s what I’m going to do for the next several months. I’m going to research, explore, talk to as many people as I can who have converted, who know someone who has converted, or who has an interesting perspective on the topic. I’m going to try to shape what the book would look like: what will be the driving argument/research questions? How will the book be structured. And if after 6 months, it doesn’t seem to be coming together, I’ll re-evaluate. If the book is starting to come together, it is my hope with this big push, that I’ll be in a place where I can start working again and have enough sense of where the book is going that it will be easier to write in my free time. 

If you’re interested in following along with this project and in the personal updates I plan to send out and you’re not receiving this via my personal email, please visit my website www.emily-lundell.com and sign up to be on my reader list or drop me a note via the contact us page. (Side note: a special thanks to the many colleagues at GoDaddy who made the tools that enabled me to easily create this site. It is a simple site so far but I look forward to adding to it).  

And if you know someone who you think I should talk to (who has converted, who has an interesting perspective on my topic), please let me know. I’m on the hunt for fresh and interesting perspectives and looking forward to all the conversations I will have. 

Thanks for reading, thanks for your interest! Till next month!

Emily